Thursday, October 22, 2009

wow, when was the last time I've actually sat down and written an actual update? I've found myself more and more writing away in my personal journal (notebook). just random scribles here and there inbetween work and etc.
Not much. I dont really update it as much with everyday stuff /: just. Scribbles of my thoughts, frustrations. ideas. etc.
funny, I'm actually writing this in a word-pad at work and will obviously be uploading this when I get home - access to the interwebs. /: since they obviously blocked off the interwebs at work except for the company website in which we work of, off =_=l totally retarded. So i've kept myself occupied at work when i'm done with all my call back reports and etc by watching movies I've saved on my memory stick. But lately, hah, I havent had much of that. Have been dealing with more and more bitchy ass customers in this job and at my other one. Like seriously /:
where the hell do these clients get off thinking they can jump ahead of another clients order?! anyways. Dont even wanna go there anymore. I've....stressed myself enough thinking about work, but one things definitely for sure. I am sooooo done work an 8-8 job. yes. 12 hr shirts. 2 jobs /: including drive time.
Speaking of DRIVE....=_____= I just got my credit card approved and guess where I get to blow off the credit card on?! Smog check, engine check and bills bills bills.
I'm falling short this month due to a reclusion from last month. Fuck. I cannot keep sending money home and still find some money to survive =_=ll
I've resulted to 1 meal a day or barely a meal a day. mostly consisting of a peanut butter sandwhich or whatever my friend gives me out of the goodness of her pantry LOL! Coz trust me, I'm so over ramen hahahaha.

I havent slept much lately either, I'm pretty sure its a mixture of possibly having Shin around or just the result of the caffeine pills im on /:
It hasnt really bothered me much. I still function day to day and I'm not like OMFG dieing when I get home. I'm mostly just MENTALY drained and exhausted from the days work/drive /: yay 40 min commute everyday and thats one way.

I still need to go in and get evaluated by a psychologist and submit the report to the damn immigration people to get my dad back. But again, I've pretty much given on the fact that the embassy is going to pass his papers. Its been close to 5 yrs already. I'm just blindly burning money everytime I send cash home =__=

/moving out: on the subject of moving out. I know I just moved out but again I gotta start packing again and getting a move on. I'm going to visit my old apartment complex and put my name in for the waiting list for an opening. My grandma decided its time to boot my brother out to make room for my uncles who lost his job and is moving back home. And my other uncle just decided its more convenient to stay with mommy again =___=ll so now we're shit out ofluck, it sucks even more coz hes a full time student whos barely making any money. Gotta hussle hussle hussle to make cash for rent and more bills.
but with that, Shin might move out with me and we'll probly end up sharing the bedroom. This way he can finally sign up for school and on my way to work, I can drop him off. But thats probly late spring early summer. I know that seems far off but honestly, time flies so much quickly when you're not paying attention. Speaking of school - I did go to school for cosmetology but. I hihgly doubt that'll happen anytime soon (me getting my license), it requires time and money. Both of which I dont quite have the luxury of. Shame on me.

iunno exactly what to feel anymore. its....simply akward. Not quite akward just. Take life with a grain of salt and rub it on open wound, you'll eventually learn to accept/get used to the pain and nothing will phase you. I'm forcing myself just that. it sucks to know that you're just not good enough. but its not quite your fault. its just. Weird. haha.

I'm still quite determined to get a coffee maker and a toaster Xd

To all my lady and gentlemen friends out there - To truly love someone, is to learn to let them go. True or False? Opinions plz. I think too much on my 40 min commute to and from work lol.

I also dyed my hair brown again and bleached out some of the parts. I loved the red but, iunno. Just wanted a change. but not quite down to go black haha.
Havent dressed up in forever.
Halloween is coming up, everyones getting quite excited for it. I'm...not haha.
its my uncles 25th anniv. as a priest and my presence is apparently required at the church and the day after that is my Grandfathers death Anniv. again, my presence is required on some sad pathetic family gathering. In all honestly. I dont wanna go.
I'm selfish like that and childish. Childish because I dont want to be there and be subjected to peoples ridicules. =____=

lol, sorry, i guess I will never be good enough for anyone but myself haha.
Speaking of which, my grandma and aunt is still possibly annoyed with me for moving out. again this goes back tto the subject of them not taking me in anyway, where the fuck was I suppose to go? obviously, gotta hussle to make it on my own somehow.
if, shin ends up moving out and rooming with me, how selfish is that, im sure my parents would throw a fit for me rooming with a dude, my brother will be taking the other room anyway, its not like were gonna doanything jeez =___=ll iunno, im pretty sure their already quite ashamed of me. W/E you can never please anyone.

I want my tattoo and more piercings. Fuck you money. Your root of all evil.

lol, but then again if I got more piercings, I can only imagine everyones disapprovals LOL.

oh and no, I cannot make it to PMX =____=
I got bills to pay and I think its best that I dont go.

ps: I'm interested in doing MMA /:

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