Friday, October 30, 2009

I fail at updating

I obviously fail at updating. So....copy and pasting bullshit from past entries I've had sitting on my LJ

D:< I hope everyone goes and haves fun on Halloween, YaoiCon and PMX! D< my broke ass wont be going anywhere at all. Funny. as a costume designer/cosplayer I should be rejoicing for halloween but this is quite possibly the 2nd or 3rd year in a row I have not dressed up! D:<
life got the best of me and I simply just dont have it in me to dress up /:
I have some retarded cat ears and horns that I can PROBLY adorn for that day so when I go to work I'm not being the lame tard again. This happened last year. Everyone knows I make costumes on the sideline yet I never dressed up for halloween last year at school /:
the spirit just isnt there anymore. That or just no time to really invest into doing anything ~__~ I still wanna sew, I have plenty of ideas floating in my head but again, as always. I'm epic fail at sewing or getting the motivation to sew. I still wanna get myself an adjustable dressform. /: I keep thinking maybe I should possibly hold off on it when I move to a bigger apartment.
D< but hopefully we get enough room. Considering that I'm the one working 2 jobs I demand to get the master bedrooom not to mention me and Shin would be splitting the room. We deserve the biggest room D:< coz we be messy. lulz.
my only qualms about the apartment is:
1. ITS CARPET. I HATE VACUUMING CARPET. and that also requires BUYING a vacuum cleaner.
2. I KNOW for a fact I'm going to shoulder my brothers end of the rent =___=ll like I had to for this months bill. uuurrgggh.....
Iunno, thats the only thing about moving in with family. I'd prefer to move out on my own. And not have to worry about someone elses shit /:

but yeah, life has been kicking me hard. >__> car needs work, and I'm too poor to get it fixed. W/e I'll just charge the card and see how much more debt I accumulate. Though I havent paid the monthly premium yet since I've already started paying back what I can. but that doesnt change the fact that thats money i dont have and uurrgh so frustrating.
Kinda really wanna go to PMX /: and meet all these snazzy people and get some PHOTOSHOOTING dones as well, my camera is gathering dust. All I take photos of now is the damn shirts we print in the shop =_=

I wanna decora my phone coz I'm bored with it and its ugly and dieing anyway.

I've also turned quite anti-social. Again this goes back to me trying to avoid a certain person but in the end I always end up seeing her >__>ll I guess the thing that bugs me the most about her is the fact that she keeps bitching about her life and how she drives like a stupid maniac and I'm suprised she hasnt gotten into an accident yet and her stupid ass is acting up just coz shes mad her mom is divorcing her dad. Quite childish if I do say so myself /: not that I'm any better. but honestly, your twenty fucking one. Grow up! I know it sucks when your parents are going through a divorce but seriously, grow up. Take some responsibility and stop bitchign about how shitty your life is. Your probly just mad coz daddy cant spoil you anymore =_=ll
I'm not gonna lie I must be a bitch for only calling you when my car decides to stall in the fucking freeway andI got no one else to call but your dumbass (coz you were already on the phone with me prior to it dieing) but urgh. I hate having to rely on you for a ride. Or help =_=ll I'll desperately TRY to drop my car off tomorrow morning at the mechanics before going to work and seeing how broke I can be D:<

iunno but seriously. I think i just realized tonight, yet agian. Why I wouldkill myself if i end up sharing a room with a girl friend ever again or even live with them. I'm thankful for her being here to help me and stuff but jeezD: i dont appreciate her acting out likea kid coz of mommy and daddys little divorce. maybe imjust being overly bitchy. coz. of shit happening but. thats beside the point.
she took up yet another blanket =___=lland iunno if its just my pet peeve or whatnot but shes sleepingwith all her damn makeupon, her clip on extensions and whatnot and GEEZE MAYBE I KNOW WHY YOUR COLD. MAYBE IF YOUT PUT ON MORE CLOTHES WHEN YOU SLEEP YOU WOULDNTBE SO FUCKING COLD?!and watch, the next morning, we'll wake up and shell complain shes breaking out and her extensions arenapping up /:
iunno i feel like a total bitch sometimes. but. im just over it,hopefully tonight is the last night she crashes here=___=ll for along time atleast.
I need some ME time. ugh!

The joy of sewing - cosplaying was seeing something you've created from scratch slowly build up into something

resembling a piece of garment or slowly seeing it being built into a finsihed product.

I feel like I've lost that motivation. Yes I'm hitting that stump again where I feel like, what the hell am I doing.

Where the hell am I going? D:< what do I have going for me?

my friend brought up a good point earlier (yes the same friend I was bitching about last night =__=ll) that

she feels emo/useless coz.

1. she doesnt have a boyfriend - which to me seems ridiculous then I realize. I think as humans we are guilty for not wanting to be alone even though we get those angry tweeny emo kids screaming 'I want to be alone!' and etc. etc. etc. When in reality their just crying out for human touch.

2. She doesnt have a job / purpose and is possibly pissed that I'm too busy working and hanging out with Shin /:

hmm....iuno, I really dont know where I'm going with this anymore. I always find myself trying to BLOG while at work

(yes this is being written in a note pad and being transferred onto LJ once I get access to the interwebs - which is when I get home!)

/styles & changing:

I seriously make myself laugh and I just dont get myself anymore LOL.

I really wanna go dye my hair black and hot pink again and red. /:

but, I need to lay low since theres been some ISSUES at my other office job so I guess I'm stuck with boring brown with blonde highlights D:< not that its bad but iunno. Contemporary? Or. Just. iunno, not that its bad. haha.

I also find it interesting how my style of the way I dress changes and goes back and forth back and forth. I havent had the time to be arsed to get any outfit photos D<

and not to mention a majority of my outfits throughout the week consists of jeans/pants + t-shirt. Scarf and sweater/zipup hoodie D:< I want new boots dammit. LOL. but no money. I just dropped my car off to get looked at =___=ll which is probly going to cost me an arm and a leg. Not tomention i still have to get it smogged and registered. Which again will cost money! D:<

lol my pet peeve is my apparently 'skinny' jeans arent at a point where they should stay up OR be tight =__=ll

dont get me wrong. I like loose jeans, if their MEANT TO BE LOOSE. but not when their called 'skinny jeans' for a reason /: and obviously are being fags and not clinging. and so it ends up looking retarded. I personally dislike wearing pants for the purpose that they do nto stay up. Thank you mom for not giving me an ass for my pants to cling onto /:

lol, useless rant is useless.

and. its too cold to wear skirts and leggings. That or I just want new boots. its a pain in the ass to wear the platforms everyday

and I'm not down to wear uggs all the time or my heeled boots since I work in a screen printing facility and in the event that we are short handed, i need to hop back and forth between front desk and back room work. /:

I need to go recycle some of the cans and bottles I've accumulated =_=ll and fuck, this november their going to raise my student tuition fee that i need to pay back having gone to Cosmo school. Fuck yeah see. part of me dies everytime I make this payment and knowing I'm paying for something that supposedly helped me prepped and accumulate what I need to get my licensing for cosmetology and here I am. NOT CERTIFIED. D:<

hmm....I really want a gorgeous rose necklace for some reason /: my rose ring is about to break too D< fak. I need to replace it when it breaks T^T I love that thing.

I need to start thinking of what to get people for the holidays D:< damn you holidays! I doubt there will be any xmas bonuses this year /: and I really dont wana go to the office xmas party =_= and get all fancied up and. yeah just not my thing.

I'm also not in the mood to see any relatives at all lately. mostly, coz, I have issues regarding their two face beezie asses.

but yes, tomorrow is my uncle's 25th anniv. as a priest in St. Michael's church in Paradise Valley. and on Sunday is my grand fathers death anniversary. I will pay my respect to my grandpa - on my OWNTIME. but I doubt I will go out of my way Saturday morning to go see my uncle =_=ll not to mention my car IS OUT OF COMMISSION. So I shall makeup bs excuse not to see anyone 8D (relative wise atleast) coz I'm a brat like that /: and I know for a fact I dont feel guilty nor indept. I've been on my own completely and they havent been any help anyway so >:P does not give me much of a reason to show up on my day off XD

/: sooo I just got a call from the mechanic.
1. its going to cost me an arm and a leg
2. they need to isolate the problem why my gas tank is smelling out fumes D:< which could potentially be baadd UDUR!

3. I need to get it smog =_=ll theres another $50
4. I need to get 'garaunteed to pass' and drop it off at the mechanics shop D: so I can shove that in my car
5. I need to buy premium gas. FUCKING YOU JAGUAR FUCK YOU...I drive atleast 50+ miles a day D:< and with gas prices nowadays. FUCK.
I'm going to go look into getting a car financed =___=ll am I just digging myself deeper and deeper into debt or what?! but I finally paid off my outstanding balance on my card, now I just need to wait till it resets itself D:<

rents coming up and this does not make me happy =_=l

I should get a fucking bike. Shit only cost $10 to fill up a fucking tank. I'd happily commute on my Ninja. D:< too bad my insurnace would cost me an arm and aleg!

I love action and horror. preferably horror movies D:<

Thursday, October 22, 2009

wow, when was the last time I've actually sat down and written an actual update? I've found myself more and more writing away in my personal journal (notebook). just random scribles here and there inbetween work and etc.
Not much. I dont really update it as much with everyday stuff /: just. Scribbles of my thoughts, frustrations. ideas. etc.
funny, I'm actually writing this in a word-pad at work and will obviously be uploading this when I get home - access to the interwebs. /: since they obviously blocked off the interwebs at work except for the company website in which we work of, off =_=l totally retarded. So i've kept myself occupied at work when i'm done with all my call back reports and etc by watching movies I've saved on my memory stick. But lately, hah, I havent had much of that. Have been dealing with more and more bitchy ass customers in this job and at my other one. Like seriously /:
where the hell do these clients get off thinking they can jump ahead of another clients order?! anyways. Dont even wanna go there anymore. I've....stressed myself enough thinking about work, but one things definitely for sure. I am sooooo done work an 8-8 job. yes. 12 hr shirts. 2 jobs /: including drive time.
Speaking of DRIVE....=_____= I just got my credit card approved and guess where I get to blow off the credit card on?! Smog check, engine check and bills bills bills.
I'm falling short this month due to a reclusion from last month. Fuck. I cannot keep sending money home and still find some money to survive =_=ll
I've resulted to 1 meal a day or barely a meal a day. mostly consisting of a peanut butter sandwhich or whatever my friend gives me out of the goodness of her pantry LOL! Coz trust me, I'm so over ramen hahahaha.

I havent slept much lately either, I'm pretty sure its a mixture of possibly having Shin around or just the result of the caffeine pills im on /:
It hasnt really bothered me much. I still function day to day and I'm not like OMFG dieing when I get home. I'm mostly just MENTALY drained and exhausted from the days work/drive /: yay 40 min commute everyday and thats one way.

I still need to go in and get evaluated by a psychologist and submit the report to the damn immigration people to get my dad back. But again, I've pretty much given on the fact that the embassy is going to pass his papers. Its been close to 5 yrs already. I'm just blindly burning money everytime I send cash home =__=

/moving out: on the subject of moving out. I know I just moved out but again I gotta start packing again and getting a move on. I'm going to visit my old apartment complex and put my name in for the waiting list for an opening. My grandma decided its time to boot my brother out to make room for my uncles who lost his job and is moving back home. And my other uncle just decided its more convenient to stay with mommy again =___=ll so now we're shit out ofluck, it sucks even more coz hes a full time student whos barely making any money. Gotta hussle hussle hussle to make cash for rent and more bills.
but with that, Shin might move out with me and we'll probly end up sharing the bedroom. This way he can finally sign up for school and on my way to work, I can drop him off. But thats probly late spring early summer. I know that seems far off but honestly, time flies so much quickly when you're not paying attention. Speaking of school - I did go to school for cosmetology but. I hihgly doubt that'll happen anytime soon (me getting my license), it requires time and money. Both of which I dont quite have the luxury of. Shame on me.

iunno exactly what to feel anymore. its....simply akward. Not quite akward just. Take life with a grain of salt and rub it on open wound, you'll eventually learn to accept/get used to the pain and nothing will phase you. I'm forcing myself just that. it sucks to know that you're just not good enough. but its not quite your fault. its just. Weird. haha.

I'm still quite determined to get a coffee maker and a toaster Xd

To all my lady and gentlemen friends out there - To truly love someone, is to learn to let them go. True or False? Opinions plz. I think too much on my 40 min commute to and from work lol.

I also dyed my hair brown again and bleached out some of the parts. I loved the red but, iunno. Just wanted a change. but not quite down to go black haha.
Havent dressed up in forever.
Halloween is coming up, everyones getting quite excited for it. I'm...not haha.
its my uncles 25th anniv. as a priest and my presence is apparently required at the church and the day after that is my Grandfathers death Anniv. again, my presence is required on some sad pathetic family gathering. In all honestly. I dont wanna go.
I'm selfish like that and childish. Childish because I dont want to be there and be subjected to peoples ridicules. =____=

lol, sorry, i guess I will never be good enough for anyone but myself haha.
Speaking of which, my grandma and aunt is still possibly annoyed with me for moving out. again this goes back tto the subject of them not taking me in anyway, where the fuck was I suppose to go? obviously, gotta hussle to make it on my own somehow.
if, shin ends up moving out and rooming with me, how selfish is that, im sure my parents would throw a fit for me rooming with a dude, my brother will be taking the other room anyway, its not like were gonna doanything jeez =___=ll iunno, im pretty sure their already quite ashamed of me. W/E you can never please anyone.

I want my tattoo and more piercings. Fuck you money. Your root of all evil.

lol, but then again if I got more piercings, I can only imagine everyones disapprovals LOL.

oh and no, I cannot make it to PMX =____=
I got bills to pay and I think its best that I dont go.

ps: I'm interested in doing MMA /:

Friday, September 25, 2009

I'm not really a HUGE fan of Hello Kitty, I'm simply amused
at how much her ugly fat ass is stamped on everything
and anything LOL.

but, I definitely do need a toaster oven and a coffee maker
in my new pad.
so. Randomly browsing the interwebs and I found this.
I'd much rather prefer if they had Rilakkuma ones D<
I know theres a Rilakkuma Cup /: but if its a cup.
I rather use my Macross one
udurhurhurhururhurrr 8D
I feel like a captain of my own fleet drinking from the macross cup.
yes, Otaku status much?! D<

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I have said this before, but this article is fucking amazing:

I took the test on that thing at the end of the article, and I got mostly Bs. meaning, I'm starting to show symptoms of a Quarter Life Crisis. Good gawd the entire time this morning at work - it was hectic once more, its been a long as week.
my phone did break =_=ll well its not completely dead but it didnt sound the alarm this morning and the person iw as supposet to take to the airport ended up having to find another means of transportation. I felt so bad. I didnt realize my phone died in the middle of the night, i can still use it but if im not careful, it dies on random occasions.

I went to ebay to try and see if I could get another phone and realized. I cant afford a new phone right now, even a partly used one at that. I dont even think we have a new upgrade for awhile and if its anyone that needs the upgrade, i think i should give it to my brother, hes had the samedamn phone for years D< but for some reason I am just fucking terribly brutal with mine.
I cant afford a new/used phone because....chaha....well Bills bills bils and my brothers birthday and my little sisters birthday (ts my brothers birthday tonight and tomorrow is my sisters D<) not to mention I now owe my mom $185! D< coz the checks I wrote her got bounced back and she got charged a fee! D< fuckfuckfuck. I told her I'd send her cash when I send my little sisters birthday present D< and I dont quite have the money for the bills coz I ahve the phone bill due TOMORROW udhurhurhurhur D< which is $107 on my part D< and rent due on the beginning of next month D< fakkkkkinng shit

yeah Im going to go out tonight and get acheapy cheapy alarm clock that hopefulyl works coz now I'm paranoid that my ugly ass pink razr will randomly die on me in the middle of the night and the alarm wont go off >w<

I've practically given up on taking the exam for cosmetology, I decided its going to be my 'back-up' plan if LifeWork (the printing shop i work for) wont make it D< but I think we have a good shot at making it big.

we just keep stumbling onto problems TAT which is why im always so hectic insane at work and by the time the afternooon rolls around Im so warn-out D< and in mad need of some caffeine, I dont even like eating D< I get repulsed by it D< but i force myself to get SOMETHING in my system.
man i wanna drink LOL but I cant/shouldnt LOL

I get so fucking warn-out at work D< and fucking exhausted, this week has been fucking long, this day alone has been too long for me.

little did we all realize how much responsibility i have weighted on me D< damn you manageent piosition.

i love my first job, the comp. is amazing its just when things go wrong, it gets insane, especially if your in the supervision position, your the one that has to sit there and figure shit out and its just annoying and wrong, coz with each mistake, thats money were loosing! D<

as for my second job, i get so worn out dealin and accomodating insane customers D<
and after hours, when the manager is goen for the day, I'm left in charge of 2 other employees, they hired 2 new girls to work the night shift with me. but uuggh D<

vacation, yeah probly but iunno D<

fuck, I should have ordered a LARGE Ice Coffee =_= I practically downed a Medium one in no time, normally it takes me forever to drink it, but this afternoon I just DOWNED That shit and its barely 5pm D<

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


(i'm pretty sure my friends and family would scorn me if I ever ended up with him LOL!)


1 weekend ago:

last night:
*shin plugs in xbox live to ethernal cable*
Xbox Live Connected


Shin: mmhm.....someday xP

(and here i was being all tech savvy and fucking around with the IP address and DNS and interweb ports for the last week and a half, and his smartass just walks in and chirps in 'why dont you just plug the ethernet into the cable box? udurhurhurhurhur. I use AT&T U-verse at my rental place :o and I guess I never paid attention that, that cable box had a ethernet port! D< and so now I officially have Xbox Live back 8DDDD)

fucking shit. omg. yeah so I fail for the lack on update, been busy, or more so I've been trying to keep myself busy D<
work has been pretty hectic so I havent taken much of the time to write a blog D<

Thursday, September 17, 2009

the shit that runs in my system

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I spent the last hour of my shift at my first job looking at Video Games.
My guilty pleasure. Xbox Live has definitely distracted me and since now I am without it. Its making me rethink and look at all these other wonderful visual distractions I have.

And more to look forward to. I was watching Game Trailers and I'm kinda excited fro Resonance of Fate. I'm iffy about it since its SEGA but it doesnt hurt to try new gameso -o and im not a big rpg-er. No patience for them whatsoever.
BUT! I need to finish magna carta:tears of blood before the new magna carta comes out for the xbox 360 :O

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Officially Moved In...

and now I’m ready to get out XD

raging because I cant get onto Xbox Live =____= need to figure out the damn IP address so I can haxxor my xbox into live. *epic rage*

not to mention the cable box is fucking up with me.

it worked yesterday coz how else could dumbass Doosh and Pee-Tree get Cartoon Network?! =___=ll

time to make it on my own.

Looking into apartments pretty soon. If I survive the first month or two 8D


O(≧∇≦)O (face jack from Cara >D)

yes that is my mattress on the floor and yes I am ghetto to set up my DESKTOP next to my bed/mattress.
I'm going to get a Laptop eventually XDlll
and no i refuse to get a bedframe and desk. that'd be too much of a bitch to move with me when I'm ready to get out.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I've been meaning to write up an entry all week, my mind has been a jumble of things but I just havent had the time to actually sit down and write something D: I've contemplated several times about writing down a physical journal but no, I just couldnt do it /:

ok, goodness when was the last time I wrote anything relevant?! or anything at all?
I have atleast 2-3 weeks worth of ranting to do but I havent quite found the time to do so, this has been sitting in my 'draft' for atleast a week now. And again I am using company time to write this shit out 8D because I'm a terrible employee at the call center lOL.

So i guess 2-3 weeks worth of writing...

where to start? D: lets break it down now..

/Car: Ok, I love my Jag. I love it love it love it. BUT my wallet quite doesnt share my love for it.
Its a gas guzzler. I drive from Mira Mesa to San Marcos daily, thats 25 miles going up and another 25 miles going back down.
And with 20 MPG thats no bueno at all! D: so I'm debating that eventually, I'd sell the car or trade it in. And no, I refuse to get another Corolla. I'm debating between a BMW or a Scion XB (yes the CUBBE) but then I'm nto sure.
BMW - Sports car. rawr. Or a Honda...still sports :o
Scion XB - Hilarious, simply because its  a cube on wheels. Huge trunk space. huge space for lugging all my shit I would use/need for traveling and photoshoots. Gas efficient. but. ugh. whut? D:

/Dissidia | Video Games In general: GAWD. I havent had time to play games much. Last weekend was a 3 day weekend. I had a BBQ on Saturday with a few friends (3 of us actually lOL!) and I spent the other 2 days of the weekend SlEEPING ! D: I think I caught something since I just felt so sluggish and tired! D: I did force myself to game on Monday just because hahahaha

/3 day weekend: continueing my rant fromt he other one, lol, other than sleeping. I spent the weekend watching LA INK (Downloaded 2 seasons worth) and the Law and Order SVU Marathon on TV and on Monday was a Ghost Hunters/Taps marathon on Sci-fi.
I forced myself to do some gaming on monday and I went on Halo and WOW some people really should not be allowed to have a Shit Talker! LOL I know I have a terrible potty mouth when it comes to games and Halo and shit, but jeeez LOL some people are juststupid as fuck.

speaking of Shit Talkers....I WANT THIS. I will christmas myself with this:  this bitchis huge as xbox >D but ommmmmgggg it makes me excited just thinking about it lulz!

/LA Ink | Kat Von D: I picked up her book not too long ago since I've been recently fascinated by the show LA Ink, well, I have always been but can never catch teh show till I finally figured out when its showing and times >D and I went and downloaded 2 seasons worth and still have yet to really sit down and watch it all.  But thats regardless the point.
All I have to say is; shes an amazing person D: driven and talented. Her book is quite inspirational and the artists shes working with is simply amazing too. I admire this woman, talented, business minded and all around well rounded. I feel pretty stupid right now since the last couple of days I've been sitting here thinking I have so much going through my mind and now im sitting here writing it down, my mind is blanking out D: wow, whut. Now I sound less intelligent LOL. Great. Haha.
Tats tats tats. Eventually I'll get it doonnne. Shit aint cheap >_o

/Growing Up and Moving out: there we have it, the safety net, the comfort blanket (or whatever was left of it) is finally off and gone. I have made the move. I'm moving out this saturday, away from the ellwoods house and into a small rental roomin a house on kibler Dr. still in Mira Mesa. And eventually I'll move out to my own studio/apartment 8D
I'm on the hunt for a mini fridge and microwave now >3 total dorm room status :o
the concept of moving out and making it on your own is damn scary but its something thats needed. :o and yes, I've been raiding craigslist for the mini fridge and microwave. I'm selling my tv and cabinet for a thinner tv to save space, all I have with me is a matress, I'm not sure if I'm going to be looking for a bed frame at all, but I think its time to adapt the japanese living style. Minimalistic and mastering the art of tiny rooms lol!
I'm debating about trading in the matress for a foldable futon like they do in japan, but i like my matress =___= soooofttt
because i know for afact futons are NOT that comfortable at all! their just sufficient for small spaces coz their foldable

/Fashion show: Gloom Nation will be hosting a fashion show in November 20th for a charity art event. I've signed up to be in the show. Now I need to work on a collection. D: I need to get an adjustable dressform and get started on this, I dont have alot of time obviously.
Skipping out on PMX XD and other cons for awhile. Because, money is very tight! D:
we need to make sacrifices for our dreams and goals.

/Fashion Wants: /: I kinda wanna get another pair of Rocking Horse Shoes. I already have this pair:
 I thougth about selling it / trading it for this pair:
 (but the straps would be ribbons instead of ugly pleather straps)

since I've been toying with the idea of flats. but i'm already pretty short as it is! D: the ballerina rocking horse shoes would be nice to wear as quick slip ons >3  but my friend doesnt want me to sell / trade my old pair D: I kinda dont either LOL.
I dont invest in expensive articles of clothing or accessories if I'm just going to sell it / trade it D:

but yeah, I'll continue to toy with this idea~ uurrgh...hmm...

/Anime Expo Midnight Tea Contest: MIkarin emailed me/called me asking me to join her for the EGL Midnight tea contest come ax!
lol. so I guess now I'm actually going to seriously make a lolita dress in the theme of Antoinette then. Wow, I am only motivated by money and wishing LOL. I'm such a greedy asian ROFLMAO!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

wonder wonder

Sometimes we all wonder what the hell are we doing with our lieves?
what are our plans?
plans? I got plenty of plans. Dreams. Aspirations.
Jealousy. /: wait, what?!

well, sometimes we all cant help but be jealous of the opportunities we missed out on

Sometimes I wonder if I should have pursues graphic design/and/or photography.
What am I doing now? Where is this going to get me?
steping stones stepping stones.

patience patience.

Now that is something I do not have.


I want to start saving money to go traveling now.

Also sometimes you cant help but different things could have been if what happened didnt happen?
but in a way I'm thankful for it, reality has slapped me in the face, chewed me up and spitted me out, but in the end, regardless of anything. I'm content. because. It has definitely helped me grow up.

Now I need to get off my ass and seriously start looking for a new place to live.

Monday, August 31, 2009

D: ommmgg this weekend was blissteringly warm! D: I'm not quite sure if I'm even making sense anymore or am I just spitting out random words now because my brain is so fried from the heat?!
This weekend I finally met up with Shin again after not seeing each other for close to 3-4 weeks?Things happen and it also just so happened that he will be modeling for some magazine /: so he waned to try doing Ruki dreads as inspired by Ruki from The Gazette (Filth In The Beauty) ver.

It took us just about a whole day on and off working on the dreads since i twas just toooo damn hot to be dreading and sealing them! D: it was atleast 108 degrees in my room, + the computer + xbox was on at the same time so we were simply sweating buckets the entire time.

First of all, we had an outfit planned but it was simply too hot and we ended up shooting in side my room using black curtains for a backdrop as opposed to originally doing it outside with the backdrop hanging so we get body shots. We waited till the sun went down to try it, I was also originally suppose to be working on a tutorial for makeup but again it was SIMPLE TOO HOT D: and honestly, as I was putting the makeup on him, we were just sweating buckets that the makeup didnt even really show through on the pics and we only ended up taking so many shots and half of them were just bad since it was just tooooo damn terrible to even try to do anything D: it was just simply toooo hoot omg D:
but I took enough, maybe 2-3 decent shots that shows off the dreads /:

We're going to be adding more to the top eventually...well, when I see him next which would probly be a long time from now and possibly by the time we end up seeing each other again, he would have taken the dreads off haha.

well that was the original plan haha

Sunday, August 23, 2009

/: my entries have become more and more spare lately /: mostly I guess coz I dont wanna bore anyone with just 'blablabla this is what I did' even though that is exactly what LJ is for. It just bores me looking back at my old journals when i write about nothing and it just saddens me that I live a very...well..repetitive cycled life D: gawd I hate it when things turn out like that. But sadly, that is what it is.

Today was just another one of those days. D: its a weekend and I didnt do anything! D: I got friday afternoon of thinking shin was going to come over but he ended up being stuck in Orange county till Satruday night and by the time he was leaving OC it was close to 10:30! :O fuck it! so I decided to tell him not to bother coming u_u *insert retarded arguement here*
lately I think we've been arguining alot more than normal. Not exactly arguing. But I guess mostly just me being selfish and stupid. I dont even really wanna go there anymore.

but yeah, today, slept in. Woke up. Got ready for the day only to do nothing! D: Phoebe came over for a bit coz she had to drop her brother off at Tae Kwon Do and she hanged out with me for 2 hrs in the morning. We went to Styles For Less (AS ALWAYS!) and I ended up getting a navy tank top with a nice graphic print with rhinetones on it. I kinda wished I got a size bigger than the one I got D: though the size I got was perfect. I want my tank tops just to be abit looser D: maybe I can go back there and exchange it for a size? but I'm feeling quite lazy about it now =__=ll and its not a big deal anyway. I'll just work out alittle bit more and make the tank top looser myself >__>ll

In hopes to not make things as boring I went to lunch with my brother and I ended up coming back to my grandma's to cook a shitload of pasta alfredo which I'll pack for lunch for the rest of the week D: since I'm too poor and making a whole batch of alfredo only cost me $3! D:

bt friday afternoon-night, WAS SO DAMN BORING! I should have just went to work and earned a few extra cash =___= uuggghhh sooo stupid and lame. I just ended up coming home from my first job, changing coz I thought it was going to rain (along the way I went and got new windshield wipers on my car coz I was afraid it would rain alot but it didnt!) and the guy working at the shop asked for my gamertag coz I was wearing my Gears of War T-shirt D: and I guess gamers ask for gamertags now instead of numbers hahaha! I didnt mindgiving it to him, he seemed nice, and he installed my wipers for me (coz I fail at it) hahaha. and this way I can play horde mode with someone new atleast D: and I know I wont be yelling at the stupid mic for someone to RESSSSSS.

yeah and after that, I went to Cotixan and waited for Mitchie and Christian and we just ate Carne Asada Fries. Bummed around and I drove to the Mall coz I was going to go to Michaels and pick up some iron-on sheet papers but when I got there, I didnt felt lke dishing out $10 for 5 sheets of that shit D: and I lost the drive to work on th designs for Coin Locker Babies anyway =___=

that was a waste of time and gas, we just got Dairy Queen so I guess all was not lost, and I got a new 3 month subscription to xbox live. I should really just buy a stupid year pass D:

the next day, phebes came over and I just ran errands with her. I got my car washed and I bummed around thinking Shin was going to come over later that night but of course plans fell through! D: and I went home and just packed up my room. Later that inight I was still under the impression he was coming so I didnt want to be stuck here at home when Chelsea was having abunch of her jock friends over for some drinks. I went out and bummed around my grandmas house but couldnt stand being there when my aunt is tere, she never made me felt at home or welcome or anything D: ugggh. Old hag. >_O
then we went to Johnny to play with his dog. GOD that dog has sooo much energy! jeez! surely made me feel so tired XD;; then yeah, went home and texted shin and..llong story short, we decided its not worth for him t come =__= more like, I'm sorry i'll ruin your plans if I cant make up my fucking mind coz I obviously dont know what i want! D:

and so that brings us yet to another 'wasted' weekend. I kinda wished I went to Sea World with Michelle and Christian on Saturday! >_< uggghh!

theres left over booze from Chelsea's party last night (omfg the first floor smelled so bad of hookah and beer earlier! D: Mr.E had to mop and drown the floor with febreeze just to get rid of the smell! I didnt even wanna see what the backyard looked like! :O
but yeeaahh theres Vanilla Flavored Vodka downstairs :O and I know Chelsea doesnt like Vodka as much >_o i'm tempted to ask her if I can have it LOL but! I remember that my stomach + alcohol = not good hahaha especially since I barely eat anymore D: I'd be scared to drink anything LOL not to mention its a sunday night, I work tomorrow, and I know I dont get tipsy or drunk. So thats not much of a worry but I like to wind down the night before I go to work coz its always a long week D: Not to mention its so freakin hot! alcohol would only make my body temp. higher and warmer =__= do.not.want.

lately I've been getting compliments on my makeup! :o lately I've beenwearing my makeup like so:

its mostly a brown leather color + smokey it out with black and some gold smudged together. I got the inspiration from Kat Von D's cover on the Sephora website! The eyeliner was inspired by Michelle Phan 8D 
normally I'm lazy and just wear black eyeliner hahaha. I'm so lazy now, but lately I figured, why not just go the little extra mile to impress yourself? D: so I guess I'lll try wearing more eye color. And I've also been lazy to wear my contacts D: I wish I wear the mmore. Maybe I'll wake up alittle extra the next few days to put the extra little 3 mins that it takes me to put my contacts on hahaha just coz I used money on them and they shoud be used! D: and I keep admiring circle lenses online and keep telling myself how I want them. I shouldnt be wasting money on them if I dont plan on using them! :O  The girl that works at the Styles for less boutique wears the blue nudy geos and they look so nice on her TAT
I wish I wouldnt be to lazy and just wear them hahaha. I use to wear mine all the time when I worked at Daiso. But since I've been working with abunch of guy at the new office, I just havent felt the need to dress up D: but no, I'm the office manager. I need to stop being so lazy even though we have such a chillaxed business outlook! hahahaha. I have nice clothes. I should use them LOL! (more like, Phoebe gave me bunch of her nice clothes that she doesnt wear as much anymore hahaha so I should show my appreciation by wearing them D: lol)

D: uggh my razr cant send pics from my cellphone to the internets anymore. I reaallly should get my stupid slider phone fixed! D: I miss that beautiful piece of shit hahahaha.

oh, speaking of makeup. Iunno, but some people have asked me if I'm interested in doing tutorails on makeup. Perosnally, I dont think I'm good enough to do that, that or I just dont have any confidence in myself to do it even though I've done shins makeup plenty of times for our photoshoots and I cannot express how many times people have asked me how the makeup on his cyber photoshoot (with the colorfull dreads) were done :O

youtube is just too intimidating when there are already other really good people on there hahaha that and I have yet to perfect the art of liquid eyeliner LOLOL! I still get messy sometimes! maybe when I'm really bored out of my mind I'll do some tutorials >_O

I asked phoebe when she comes over later to do my nails >D I'm not down to do any tips or acrylics since I cant stand them, but I wonder if she can do her nail art stuff on my nails hahaha. She use to do them al the time when we were in beauty school together >D
my fav. still had to be the leopard print she did, coz she used golds! >3

I really want GOLD eyeliner D:

the only one I found is by Hipp and its freakin $12 a pop! :O I might as well go to freakin sephora! jeez! D:

well, time to be nerdcore and play some halos and then watch me some depressing ass anime. Shinseki Evangelion/Neon Gnesis Evangelion. I keep telling myself I'd finish this anime and watch it in actual order. I've seen it but in broken order D: so, might as well just finally sit down and watch it! D: since we have the boxset D:


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Food for thought...from my dad

hmm....for starters, I honestly havent talked to my dad in awhile, nor have I seen him in years...

lol, my dad apparently found me on facebook and I do not frequent that website much at ALL! D:
but after browsing the site and whatnot I stumbled on my dads page, thinking it'd be mostly empty anyway.
but, I noticed he had one 'blog' or 'note' entry which read this...

--->Relationships can never be perfect... you can never force your partner to be faithful in d same way that a normal relationship should be.
What is important is at the end of the day you find each other side by side and you are happy knowing that he or she is yours. We need to enjoy the relationship while it is there..
cause if you waste your time in doubts and insecurities, you will never appreciate how wonderful it is to fall in love.
Remember: To get hurt is a fact that we bargain when we choose to love...

I personally never took my dad for the writer type, but after reading this I was like wow.
He may not probly have coined that paragraph himself or not but the simple fact that he had it up, got me thinking 8D
and. all I can say is. Wow.

I miss him >D

and everything noted in that. Is definitely oh so true :o

now if only I'd be able to consider myself lucky enough to find a relationship worth calling one haha.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


When you look at the mirror.

What do you think of the person looking back at you?

I hate you.

Thats what I think.

I have what you've become.

You've ruined your relationship with people.

Just how many people have you slapped in the face?

I want the green, blue and purple ones O_O mostly the green ones. I still have green acuvue contacts but...their not as vibrant as these babies and these are circle lenses! LOL. Want but that doesnt mean I'll get XD! I got way too much expenses/bills now and like I mentioned before. D: gas guzzling car. but I love it hahaha I need to set money aside for it too incase I need to dish out alot of dough for it to get repaired if ANYTHING happens TAT

I need to be more careful now with money. I definitely have alot more responsibilities now on my plate. Dependents. I was reading an email from my mom and wow it hurts to hear her say shes living pay-check t0 paycheck and I know for a fact I maybe more or less in a worse-off position than her, shes got my little brother and sister, but here I got myself + my bills and car AND my brother whos barely making any money =___=;; and I have projects I need funding for which comes out of my own pocket. I also have 'care' packages I sent back Florida to my sister/lil bro D:

its definitely hurting my pocket and supporting my brother hurts it too.

I spent a good chunk in the morning office (lol i call my first office job, morning office) pondering about my projects and etc LOL, and another bigger chunk of it here at the night office (second job) spazzing out about other stuff and hating the telephone and talking to bitchy customers 8D

projects: photobook - I havent worked on anything remotely close to getting anywhere on starting on it D: ugh!

fashion line/pmx project - I planned on joining 2 of my other friends in PMX as a vendor/artist alley booth but now that I'm looking at finances, I'm really in a pinch if I can even make it, with enough determination yes D: since i'll most likely be kicking myself if I keep putting stuff off
and really beingcaught in this runt of just survival mode D:
I'm already bad enough by putting off my exam. And other stuff =__=
now I'm debating if I'm going to be able to do this, money money money. I hate how money makes the world go round.

photoshoot - again this goes back into the photobook project. Never enough time or money to make the props, garments, and setting things up ugh. If only I get paid to do this sort of shit D:

fashion line/retail shop - THE biggest project I'm working on, and obviously this also ties into PMX and whatnot. D:

I really should look into investing in a adjustable dressform but I need to stop putting off the fact that I need to go and find an apartment as well SHIT!
I just really like stressing myself out now dont I?! D:

lol, on a random note i was looking at my designer myspace ( and I just realized....HOLY SHIT I AM 21! :o honestly, how can you even forget that shit?!XD

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I have a whole weekend and more, days worth of update to do on this blog so wow. I might break. I'm terrible. I always end up updating while I'm at work for some reason LOL, well, I get home quite late and have so much on my plate and to thisday I still got more and I feel everyday more and more stuff gets added on! :o but then again the more I sit here and write, I'm ending up multi-talking my job D: and juggling stuff. oh man oh man. thats life for you.

so yes, life. growing up. wow. everything feels like a dream. a blur. and wow. you totally feel so grown up but at the same time I cant help but feel like looking at people my age. students. who. more or less do have the same responsibilities as me but there are those who dont. So, wow D: iunno I definitely sound like I'm whining but man, theres so much expenses. student loans, dependents, bills and I'm also looking into definitely moving out soon D:

with that, will come rent and even more expenses. And the gas to get to work D: wowers. I dont mind the comute it just sad the car I love is such a gas guzzler (I drive a Jaguar XD...)

Life has been... turbulent. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Challenges are tests of character and they give us opportunities to grow.

Currently, I'm definitely feeling like I'm getting stuck in this runt called, surviving life. I know I need to make time to take my exam. I'm not trying to make excuses but its hard to focus on the future when you got so much on your plate and no one else to lean on, especially when people are leaning on you for help. My mom has hit financial struggle. Shes living paycheck to paycheck and still got 2 more mouths to feed. This troubles me and I want to work hard to try and send her money and my dad (across the globe) some cash to help them out but of course how can I help them when I can barely help myself, and still, I got my brother here to take care of as well. ugh D: I really wanted to go back to school too but its come to the point that it wont be possible. Life is tough. Times are hard. We just gotta work through it.

Other than that, I'm glad I've finally gotten some stuff back on my feet. I've done photoshoots and am learning alot more in photoshop and illustrator and other stuff. I'm definitely doing alot of growing up as well, just in life in general.

I have more big projects coming up, planning and etc. I'm quite excited to go forth with this new business endevour. (again) and hopefully have learned from my past mistakes and other peoples mistakes and hopefully this can simply be a stepping stone into bigger and better things for the future as well?

we gotta work hard for our dreams. I dont wanna go into detail right now regarding my new projects. well. I have plenty of them, but the business one atleast 8D I still got stuff to do haha. oh man.

anyways, I dont wanna make this extravegantly long! when it already is :O

I went up to Little Tokyo last weekend instead of going up to San Francisco for the BTSSB opening and did a photoshoot with Scarlet Antidote! I was mostly up there for Nisei week and most definitely for the shoot >3

I'm super excited for the shots, we took it at this beautiful hotel called the Millennium Biltmore hotel. I'm planning on renting a room there for a night for part2 of the shoot hahaha and hopefully we'll have more models then too!

While in LA I also got dressed up in 'lolita'? hahahaha. N from Narcisuuss Fatale

made me a skirt and the headpiece was also by her, I just fail at getting photos. Someday I wanna be able to really do a well 'lolita' outfit together. Theres a specific dress I'm mostly defintely eyeing from Rose Melody :O

but first, gotta looooooseee some inches LOLOLOL

train station! my friend said it felt like a NaNa moment haha.
I was also wearing my gaudy black boots at the time so I guess?

I obviously went shopping at Little Tokyo, I love COOLs and POP KILLER >D
I got the leopard print red hat from Pop Killer for 50% off! I also got a new 'camera ring' from COOLs. And gold-snake print gladiator sandals from another boutique in the LT Mall 8D everything I got was on sale >3 so I'm quite happy. I've always wanted a fadora to go with my jaguar LOL but it also had to be me. I wanted to get the regular leopard print one but my friends urged me to get the red, its more obnoxious and me. /: I might still get a regular colored one LOL.
I'll be posting some of the pictures in another entry to make this shorter and clean it the entries, the rest of the sets will be uploaded on my other page: O_O

Friday, August 14, 2009

Feeling all grown up

Tomorrow I'm off to ride the train to Los Angeles' Union Station to meet up with a few people for Nisei Week. Shoot. and have fun. I need to call the Millennium Hotel. To see if its at all possible for us to come and do a photoshoot there on sunday since the place is incredibly breathe taking! I really wanna book a room for one night, just for one night just to experience staying in one of their luxurious rooms! A room fit for a versailles era noble! And damn, do not tell me that that bed is so not sexy coz seriously D: the bed looks like a gay vampire would ass-rape some poor bishonen D:
and I dont even like yaoi but for some reason thats the impression I get LOL! so the weekend is most likely going to packed.

I went to the DMV yesterday to take care of car stuff and today I bought my first insurance policy on my own! D: it was a biiitch calling insurance companies and answer the same redundunt question. I figured it was easier calling than browsing online, since I'd prefer to be able to ask questions and get answers right away.

and I've settled in Progresive 8D
$109 for the first month D: and the next couple months are $106, It will continue to go down later on as the years passes and whanot. Why so high?
1. My accident(s)
2. It IS a sportscar.

And so, obviously after me finally taking care of said items that needed to be taken cared of. I feltso grown up! lOL (I also went to best buy to ask about financing, aka credit, so I can build credit to get an apartment later on! :O)
but anyway, so I obviously havent called my parents regarding the said car purchase since I wanted to take of everything myself before going to them. I mean come on, I'm practically an adult D: and I wanted to show my mom that I have taken cared of everything that I needed to and that I'm not being stupid.

I have considered the fact that my insurance will be high, and that I know purchasing a jaguar would eat gas like crazy even though I know I will be commuting but given the circumstances, the car was amazing, well conditioned and had nothing wrong with it. I'm tired of hunting cars via craigslist and coming up with shit results. and I love the car.
you make sacrifices for things youlove.

anyway. Fast-forwarding....

I call my mom to tell her about that and how excited I've been for this new job. but. dundundun. mom being mom. Bit my head off and just got irritated and very mad.

demands me to sell the car and go ahead and get another corolla and whatnot.

but. fuck that shit. I'm not getting rid of the car =__=

so w/e theres my rant for today. I had intended on going further but its getting late. I'm tired. I have an early train to catch tomorrow and I have yet to still pack coz I am lame-tard like that.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

ugh XD.
i went to target in hopes of finding new sandals or flats coz I'm a lazy fuck and for my lazy days when I dont feel like quite dressing up or putting shoes on but cannot afford to be so casual as to wear flip flops to work, I decided to embark on finding some cheap flats or cheap but cute sandals.

that obviously failed since I didnt get anything LOL but I got

I personally dont like the look of pants on me since I'm so short, and quite stout LOL XD so fail. but I got darkblue navy skinny jeans >__>
since i've been wearing the black ones quite often and dont wanna be wearing black 4 days a week and wear jeans 1 day a week D:
the cool thing about my jobs is that they dont care what we wear except no jeans at JW Flooring! D: fail, while my other job (in the morning) is very lax and dont really care. I can practically walk in wearing something ridiculous and they wouldnt care LOL. Thats how chillax the business is XD;;
but of course me working at a more corp. office america from 4-8 means no jeans. So i'm glad I've gotten away with the semi looking jeans. aka the dark black and blue pants lol coz they dont loook like jeans but D: yeeeaaahh....

for some reason yeah I'm just not quite comfortable being all dressed up at my first job since, its all dudes and its avery masculine environment, so I guess till I get really intergrated into the whole speel, I'll probly just be sporting my retarded pants x shirt combo LOL.
FAIL. lol.

I tend to dress up more when I'm going out with my friends xD hahahaha. well, work is work haha. Theres my 2 cents.

oh shit its already 10 and I havent even watched that stupid ADobe Illustrator DVD my boss told me to learn XD I'm still concerned my comp. probly wont be able to run itLOL im sure it will, it'll just hate me for doing that to it hahaha.

seriously considering financing a comp. /: best buy says no interest for 18 months if paid off within the 18 months D: hoshit. Must think about it first TAT.
wow, there really are just somethings that you really dont expect to fall under your lap. things happen for a reason, that I definitely believe in.

I realized I'm alot happier working in Lifeworks. The job load is easy, overwhelming from time to time to think that you hold such big responsibilities. but I love it. It definitely feels like I am someone important. I play a key-role in keeping this business alive and making it happen. I love it. I love the energy. I love the drive. I love the dreams and aspirations. I feel inspired and driven everytime I leave work to continue to work just as hard and pursue my dreams. (Which is way too many to count) but I've definietly found myself in a cross-roads of now deciding or figuring out where am I leading myself to?

I also decided to postpone going back to school this fall TAT
I really want to go back to school to educate myself in graphics and finish up my AA degree in fashion. I simply cant afford to go back to school.

Working 2 jobs and earning money seems to good of a deal to be passing up not to mention I have dependents. I'm also considering finally leasing an apartment for myself and my brother. But after talking to my friend he said I might be better off not rooming with family since he might get too laxed about rent and me having to shoulder the expense. To me, I feel like its really becoming a double edge sword.
I'm also feeling quite lonely. /:

so I'm finally really seriously thinking about looking for a room-mate or something. with 2 jobs that pays decently, Its time to take the plunge. But I'm also thinking. Oh snaps! I'm also...really willing to try and figure things out and kick start my business...again hahaha. Well, now I feel like I have a better level headed mind regarding business and investments and whatnot...I also need to stop carrying dead weights with me TAT I love them, I love you but you're just not stepping it up to the plate as I have. D:

its also dissappointly frustrating that I'm just handing shit down to you but no matter what, I sadly still do it TAT I definitely fail at life.
iunno things just feel so sporatic right now and whatnot. uuggh iunno whats going on anymore

lol this definitely changes alot of things as I mentioned in my previous entry XD
coz wow. shit lol.

man, iunno anywhere where this entry is going to lead to. I need to go home tonight and still brush up on Adobe Illustrator. AKA learn it from scratch since I'm a dumbass and dont know AI LOL I do know alittle bit of Photoshop. I just need to practice and get the hang of layering the palletes and seperations for the business to help out my boss alot easier 83
it just sucks coz I get home at 9 and I have to sit there and figure out another program BUT! the cool thing is my boos gave me a copy of it. I just hope my PC can take it. other than that! i'm very much considering financing a laptop to help build credit LOL. I thought about an Alianware LOL! but gaming has become a luxury now D:
games are expensive. Shit. XDD

Monday, August 10, 2009

New Job! Excited but Fail at other one

oh wow. I just definitely got hit with a quick over-view of what my job consists in the new company I'll be working with.
Definitely feels quite overwhelming but I'm confident I can get it together in a few days or maybe even within a week or two of working. This week since I'll only be working from M-W (I'll be running errands Thursday and Friday and Originally I was going to be working at Marukai but I finally told them I cant come in on Thur-Fri since I got errands to run. ie: DMV DDD: and stuufff so I can be free over the weekened to hit up LA for Little Tokyo. Who else is going? lets shoot! (finalyl! hahahaha))

I am quite familiar with how everything works, but i just need to get familiarized with the system they use on the PC and my boss gave me a DVD to watch to get a quick run through on Adobe Illustrator since when we had our screen printing business we ran out shit ghetto style via Adobe Photoshop and layers and etc XD aahahahahaha. But i'm glad that we can all connect since we all more or less definitely started in the same place LOL! My bosses claim that the only difference between my business to theirs wasthat, their an overglorified garage business, who happens to be owned and runned by 2 guys who have 10 yrs+ moer life experience and a bigger credit card compared to my business. LOL.
Myscreen printing equipment (screens, dryers and etc) are all still sitting in my friends garage LOL so its not like I sold the business, my business license is still valid and etc. I just need a place to reset it up. iunno, who knows where this would lead to.


I just realized, I'm so spazztastic about my new job. Lol, my job, basically, what my role in the place is. Has anyone seen the show Ace of Cakes?! yeah I'm the lady in the front with the phone glued to my head XD
more or less I run the show, they said I'll be a HUGE part of the business since I AM the front line person O_O and their also training me in everything that they do, which is nothing new from what I use to do for my own company. except, with YAY sophisticated comp. software that makes our lieves sooo much easier.

I'm also quite excited to be workign with a small company that PLANS on getting big, my boss has PLENTY of giant amazing ideas. They did live printing for several events and are even planning on hitting up AX as a vendor and doing some LIVE PRINTING ommmggggg. And were not a tshirt printing company perse, we do that as a sideline, my bosses originally started the company as a sustainable eco friendly TSHIRT BRAND. So more or less, they do reflect the same ideals my personal company had and their planning on starting to print our own stuff soon. And their policy is, we'll print w/e we think is cool! LOLOL. So I might be bringing in some designs i had planned for XD Eksdee and bringing it in for Lifework! I may be selling out my own comp. but, I'm feeling quite solid with this company. i love it, their so driven and ahve big big big dreams and ideas.


And we all believe in that :o I'm so estatic to somewhat find my nitch! I'm so excited I wanna see this business go farrr.
Almost to the point that I dont mind the long commute, I dont even mind quiting my 2nd job at JW Flooring and working for them full-time TAT but I feel like I shouldnt be so rash! I just get so excited. Wow.

but I also need to thnk about this. I went to school for cosmetology. Ilove cosmetology, I like it, but. iunno. I dont want to waste it. I went to school for an entire year doign that. Took out a student lioan to do that. but sometimes, things fall into our laps that were not quite ready for lol or expected! Things seems to be going to be too good to be true at this point! D:
maybe I should get my license just to get it out of the way and figure out things along the way.

My original goal in life was...well...I have too many goals and dreams TAT

->I want to be a business manager.
->A designer
->An artist to travel the world photographing models and dressing them up - doing hair and makeup for them
->I want to work with bands D:

and most importantly....I want to share my success with my bestfriend. I want him to be as successfully driven as I am TAT

and, what wil happen to me planning on going back to school this fall? I can push that off till Spring 8D I havent even finished my FAFSA yet =___= fail for me.
I need to think things through.

I also need to watch that DVD about adobe illustrator but I dont have a DVD player LOL my brother took it LOL! (my xbox) hahahaha shit. I'm so tired when I get home but I want to watch it so I'm not such a dumbass at work.

oh man, things have been such a whirlhwind XD
shiiit man LOLOL

anyways, so I'm still debating about coming to LA this weekend, I might might might definitely go lol!


lol, so I got my 2nd written up warning. The first one was when I failed to show up to work due to me getting stuck up in LA and couldnt make it down, I emailed my boss telling her I might not be able to make it but since I never called to confirm it, it had to go to on my permanent record.

secondly, today~

apparently the cust. have complaint about the msgs I left them regarding their installation /:
iunno, I know for a fact I'm not perfect and after saying the same speel thousand times in a day you tend to slur I guess without noticing or tend to talk too fast without noticing but the biggest thing they had to complain about was that I wasnt talking loud enough D:
well I noticed when I have the head-set on, its harder for them to hear me? and when I use the phone manually its crystal clear /:

my manager here is a doll, shes amazingly nice and has gave me notes about the complaints before but the VP called me in at her office and gave me the whole formal speeel and her cold hearted sarcastic way, I dont hate her or have anything to say. All I can say is, 'i understand, i need to work on it 8D' and take it with a grain of salt. I'm not perfect. No one is, were not robots or machines.

But with this happening, I'm even more afraid to turn in a resignation if things worked out with Lifework. My dad worked for this comp. for so long and the boss loves him and I'm thankful for the job I was given but I feel like I definitely found my place with Lifework. D: but I dont wanna quit now after getting a second strike even though I should admit cust. service isnt really my best speel on the phone? lol that or I must be so exhausted coming in to work that everything just feels so automatic now.

I'm not trying to make excuses, I shouldnt be.

Just take it as apart of life with a grain of salt and move on.


lol, I knew things seemed to have going to be alittle too good for today to be true hahaha.
I do feel alittle disheartened, not distressed, and I dont want to overwhelm myself LOL or I'll stress myself to a frenzy. ah. I need to learn to relax.

No wonder people turn alcoholic or smokers LOL.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

LOL good bye and fuck you marukai >D

lol, i was talking to my sister about this one girl I really dislike. D: I say dislike since Hate is such a strong word. I try not to hate anyone. I know it sounds stupid and whatnot to say that. but seriously, I believe everyone deserves a chance.
So as much as I am judgemental, I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt.
but, this girl has countlessly proved me wrong, rubbed me the wrong way time and time again and has proved herself to be a stupid , weak girl.

Women are emotional, true. but we can be pretty powerful and strong.
I hate weak people. I'm not saying I'm wonder woman. I've had my breakdowns before to.

but. Its hard for me to respect any of her caliber.

but anywaysh, here was my little rant to my sister yesterday over msn.
(shes Tofu Bakery and I'm Babaganushi) lolol, shes so cute >D

[believe it or not, she was one of the first 'models' i've worked with that really got me into Photography haha]

I think its hilarious, I was so excited when I got the job at Marukai namely because, it WAS a second job. meaning, more/bigger income. Because, money is what makes the world move and its the difference between survival and whatnot and for me, I saw it as a way to further expand my social network. True, I complain about the work alot, namely because I am not a morning person and I hate waking up in the morning. Had I worked in the afternoon-night, I guess I wouldnt be so bitchy since we'd have more traffic of people. Half the customer I see in the morning is mostly old people D: which I'm not saying is bad but. iunno~
but anyways yeah, so I called in today at work, claiming, emergency. I know for afact Ami-san wont be happy lol. BUT! I did cover someones shift yesterday. I called in today so I can go to the meeting with Lifeworks! and see how it goes from there, hopefully its a good match and that I get hired. my job there would basically be my job for my own/old tshirt company but i'll be working for someone else LOL and its more or less the same job but with better technology/software! LOL.
the owners were pretty happy but their sadly hesitant since to them it 'feels too good to be true' of a match. They said they'll sleep on it and i'll probly be on probationary period for 30 days and see where it goes from there then I'd get a raise and be a permanent employee 8D
I'm really hoping I get it since I'm more or less tired of Marukai. I want to work for a company with room for growth and a company that I'm passionate about. I'm all up about small business and this invovled the skill I know and I can use 8D I like challenges. not like my stupid dead end job at Marukai TAT
It's alittle bit of a commute to get to San Marcos but I DONT MIND AT ALL! 8DD As long as I work with a comfortable company with plenty of room for growth! And a company I'm going to be passionate to grow with and I always enjoy working with smaller companies better instead of big giant corporately owned ones TAT
and like I said, I wouldnt mind the commute at all! 8DDDD It'll be a bitch but were young! We can do it >D
ps: picked up some stuff at Forever21 =___= bad me.
original plan was to go get flats, came home with bargain vinyl pants lOL and a new jacket and a new rose ring 8DD
lately I've been obsessed with roses, skulls, crosses, wings and stars :o
I also got a new Gears of War shirt for cheap >D uuggghhh shouldnt have.

I GOT THE CALL!!! I GOTS THE JOBXDDDDlol, yeah for the next 2-3 weeks i guess ill be working 3 different jobs XDllor until marukai lets me go
i'm putting in my 2 week resignation tomorrow since i got another job somewhere else but im keeping my JW Flooring office job in the afternoonbut till my 2 weeks is up, I'll be juggling Marukai, LifeWorks (yay I'll be working with Oppai Jinn!!!) and I guess JW Flooring XDDD

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

messy desk is messy.and no, that isnt an alcoholic beverage LOLits just juice LOL. for some reason people are convincedI'm an alcoholic? XDDDll

new snake ring.

ok, yeah laptop is being dumb, desktop is being dumb too =___= I think the battery or motherboard is dead on the laptop. I need to get rid of it and get a new one. I need to get my shit together. I think I'm simply overwhelming myself now, I need to start getting my shit together before I really get caught in this loop called 'Life'where all we think about is paychecks, bills, work and how unhappy we all are because of our mundane lieves.I still need to get a car, my stateboard together, my life together.
I feel like I'm putting it off when all along I keep saying 'i'm taking it one step at a time' i think thats becoming more and more like a bullshit excuse for everyone and for myself. It sickens me to hear myself say this and it pisses me off how I get all rigid and stressed thinking about being overwhelmed with everything. Like. Seriously. Please. Wtf. D:
Need to stop the spontanous spending. Need to just stop. Stop. Stop.
as promised, new frames:

and....canned bread.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Blazblue Weekend

another weekend passes LOL
well, this one is more or less atad bit more productive than my last couple of weekends /:
haha. Fail right? A recap of the weekend for the most part.

for starters...
Havent seen that beezie in 4 weeks since Anime Expo D: and if some of you are unaware we didnt exactly end AX on very very good terms but it didnt really drag on, it was just me being a retard.

-> Played Blazblue, Halo and downloaded Marvel Vs. Capcom and played the entire weekend away.

-> Went to Lens Craftsters and dropped down $250 and got new perscription AND new frames O_O Finally!
their awesome, black frames with orange on the inside and their VOUGUE frames lol. I was originally going to try and get some thing close to my original black rimmed frames but these are alittle different 8D yes yes. Will take pic later.

-> Went to a family gathering ( just coz I dont live with the parentals doesnt mean I can escape family gatherings D: ugh fuck fuck fuck) and rotted there for close to 2 hrs but I'm sure it was only an hr and a half. It just feels more tragic when I'm there /: but hey, I got fed for free and I even took home some of the food with me, which me, brother and Shin devoured while playing Blazblue XD

-> Saw Blood The Last Vampire Live action movie, downloaded it
it was WELL produced BUT! the ending fight was such a dissappointment D: no epic fight scene. Whut. I kinda want them to make a Blood+ now LOL

-> Also saw the new Underworld movie, rise of the lycans? it was far less dissappointing than its other ones. /:
when will an epic vampire movie come out?! D:

I kinda wanna buy KOF12 /: but I have yet to master Marvel Vs. Capcom to pwnage level. I've gotten pretty darn good at Blazblue since Shin kept kicking my butt but now I kick his ass....sometimes D:
lol. I really should get Basara X as well but meeeh that can wait~

waaaaiii, why do I always find myself updating this blog half the time or blogging while at work LOL well, ofcourse I probly do use this as a form of distraction anyway lol. Marukai wants me to work on wednesday morning /: do.not.want.
mostly coz Sho is working that day TAT and I dont know anyone else whos cool that will be working with me that day. I just got the message, I havent called Ami-san back yet if I can work on wednesday or not. I probly could use that 5 hr shift for dinero but...part of me is going UGH D: do.not.want. but that extra shift means i'm one step closer to....iunno. materialistic possessions?! XD

I'm also drinking Hansen's Cream Soda. I havent had soda in a long time and I feel bad drinking it already TAT and I also have Ghirardelli White chocolate. meeeeh....

Mikarin is also asking me if I'll be able to go to Nisei Week in Little Tokyo, I'm going to try and go, My friend has already offered me a ride to go there but /: iunno if I should. I feel like I shouldnt since I still have stuff to take care of, even just taking this weekend off to hang out with Shin I felt like I cheated /:

I kinda wanna go just to get away from San Diego and stuff /: btu I cant keep doing this.

but omg! GI Joe movie comes out next week O_O kinda wanna watch it. lol, not kinda. WANT. Coz the Baroness is fucking hot XDll

but yeah, I've been obsessed with Blazblue D: I wanna go home and practice it and be l33t with it. I'm also alittle irate that Barnes and Nobles is taking forever for the stupid Kat Von D book I ordered TAT gaaawd how long does it fucking take, seriously?! XD I'm just an impatient little fucker. I'm also alittle antsy about getting my laptop charger in since I wanna know if the shit I bought works or I'll be ticked off XD coz my desktop is being a little fucker lol.

my train of thoguth and blogging ways is so out of the ordinary since its pretty much eeeverrywhheere hahaha
I wanna go on ar ave about Lens Crafters. They have AMAZING customer service O_O the doctor I had was super nice and the staff was incredibly helping and yes, the promise to getting my frames done in an hr was exactly correct.
lul @ Shin for falling asleep at their waiting area XDll

lol, so theres my little rambling about that.

I want a kigurumi
I want new clothes O_O but I fucking hate marukai since its pants + tshirt dealio =___=

ok, I swear there was alot more i was going to write about, but my head is blanking out lul.

mroe or less, I'mhappy I got to hang out with him again.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

purple drink

LOL OMFG WHAT?! I just spoke to a very angry customer on the phone whos accent and voice and tone and everything sounds s almost exactly like the actor from The Transporter! :O whuuuuuut.So tired. =___= I had to drraaaggg myself out of bed for the first time since I finished school D: wow. whut. fail.
lolol my nails match my for blurry picture o-ollthe razr sucks for photos LOL!I miss my old phone now /:

=__= im so tired of working but I checked my email earlier and my mom sent in an email, begging me to move to Florida, saying that shes worried sick coz my brother was a dumbfuck and called my mom and complained that theres no grocery money D: wtf. see. this is why i cant quit my 2nd job to go back to school coz I gotta send money back home to her, to dad AND feed my brother =____= rantrantrant.its frustrating coz his other job hasnt called his schedule in yet so his ass is only working 2 days a week at Sea World while I have to use my money a majority of the time to feed him =__=;

I realized I really have a bad temper regarding people who are one-uppers. who think that their always better than you without even knowing who you are. I try to think humbly and give people the benefit of the doubt but dont you dare say you're godly compared to me or think your the shit when you've barely walked a step in my shoes >__>

the one thing thats going to be the highlight of my night tonight: LA Ink. I was dissappointed the barnes and nobles I went to last night didnt have it. I have half the mind of driving to the one in Carmel Mountain just to get it /: coz I hate waiting even though the Barnes & Nobles here said they'll order it for me but can take a few days D:

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

my desk is quite messy....

lol, on my, lets see what my desk has to offer. /: it is quite a mess no?
but LOL. not much as you can telll.

lets see what we have here...
on the screen, I'm currently screening 14 sai no haha. Its a story about a 14 yr old junior high student who gets preggers. Its very slow progressing but its only 11 eps long. Curiosity got the best of me /: so I had to watch it.

I have an Avon Catalog, I took it from work and I browse through it when I'm bored LOL.
rice cake snacks, my keys. xbox controller and my keys attached to the xboxlanyard i got from working at gamestop. sketchbook and art stuff burried under the avon catalog.
cellphone, acuvue contact lens solution, my contacts (circle lenses) burried somewhere under the xbox controller probly. And Garnier Leave-in Conditioner. I personally use ENJOY leave in conditioner or Joico but ran out and I found that bottle in one of my suitcases, so...cant be put to waste now can it? LOL.
and teaaaa~

lol shit blendy pens and hahahaha couldnt help it, 3D glitter paint hahaha. We use to use nail-polish at cosmo school when we got boredXD;;
but its hard to scan /: since the nail polishes dont really show up as nicely hahahaha. especially the glitter ones. I doubt these paints would be any better lol.

heres the art stuff my friend got me, she brought me the sketchbok, watercolor (burried under the sketch book) and oil pastels. i havent finished the sketch I was working on /: probly will do it when I'm uberly bored again. Oil Pastels, I personally think looks great on sand paper TAT or on a canvas D:
I wanna get canvas's and arcrylic paints ~____~ I really wish I had a studio to call my own and a better hand at art. D:


after seeing Fi and Ayato's videos and reminds me...
damn, i want a kigurumi XD;; i made a black gloomy bear one before but I threw it away since we moved D:
I wanna get one for my sister and myself, though shes far away. I think she;d want one lol since she wrote on her tumblr that shes into Rilakuma now too. And she likes teh white one and that she thinks i should be the poo colored one o_O
ironic, me and shin both have matching 'poo' colored rilakuma charms i got us for our phones from little tokyo.
i got her one of the white one while i was at ax.

Which reminds me, kuma-chan needs a bath D: hes way dirty LOL